?

Log in

No account? Create an account

The Sam and Daniel Ficathon

Memoria

The Sam/Daniel Ficathon

Sam and Daniel - Patience

Memoria

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
weemie me
Title: Memoria
Author: stargazercmc
Rating: Adult themes
Word Count: 3,038
Spoilers: Up through S8
Pairings: S/D
Disclaimer: If they were mine, I'd make Daniel my cabana boy.
Recipient: moonshayde
Prompt: SG-1 explore an underwater city. Sam and Daniel are taken by the people there and must reunite with Jack and Teal'c to escape.
Summary: They’re a little in love with each other, and for now, that has to be enough.

Notes: Written for the sd_ficathon. Much thanks to splash_the_cat for the initial beta. If you like something, it's probably because of her. If you hate something, it's probably something I changed after beta. Regardless, this one tore me up a bit getting it out.


Memoria

Sam lowers herself into the chamber, gasping for air as the barrier closes behind her. “It's no good,” she says. “There's only about 30 feet of water but we're a long way down from the surface.” Daniel tosses her a cloth from her pack and lets her mop the water from her face.

“How is that possible?” he says. “They had to move us down here somehow. I don't see any rings,” he says, moving around the small chamber. “Did they beam us down?”

Sam takes a minute to catch her breath and assesses their situation again. The room is about 7x7 feet with solid walls on all sides. At the top of the chamber is a clear barrier that allows matter to pass through unimpeded. The other side of the barrier is a bit more intimidating – an underwater pool leading up to a chasm under the surface of PX7-423. Experimentation has shown she can get through the barrier without harm, but, as she just found out, there's nowhere to go once out of the chamber. There's a post with a silver panel about 40 feet from the chamber, in the water, but the location makes it not very conducive to breathing and there are no markings to indicate its actual purpose. For now, that means exhausting options within the chamber.

And she's stuck down here with Daniel. Nice.

* * *

Daniel reaches across to the passenger seat and snags the phone with his right hand. Flipping it open, he holds the steering wheel in place with his left wrist as he pulls out the antennae and sees drops of rain just starting to land on his windshield.

“Um, yeah,” he says.

“You called?” says Sam.

“Yeah, I heard you got to break the news to McKay about his trip to the frozen tundra. Bet that was something to see,” Daniel says. He pushes the phone up closer to his ear and holds it with his shoulder so he can maneuver both hands back to the steering wheel.

“McKay’s a bastard,” she says. “Two more minutes and Teal’c…”

“Eh, you would have done something,” he replies. “You always do something.”

Daniel reaches over to the windshield wipers and flips them to a low setting. Turning his attention back to the phone, he notices Sam hasn’t responded. “Sam, you still there?” he says. “I’m in my car on the way back to the apartment so this cell phone…”

“That’s what the colonel said,” says Sam, distant.

“Jack called you from his truck?” Daniel says.

“No, he was sure I’d figure… I’m not… nevermind.” She’s tense and frustrated, and this catches Daniel’s attention.

“You’re not what, Sam? Hang on. Let me pull over.” Daniel pulls over in the emergency lane and lets the car idle.

“I’m just tired, Daniel. What if I didn’t figure it out? This situation could have ended so badly. Christ, Daniel. We could have lost Teal’c,” she says. “McKay is a prick, but he wasn’t entirely wrong about me cutting corners.” The frustration is gone from her voice, replaced with exhaustion.

“Sam, you’re wiped. You’ve had little sleep these past few days and you’ve been worried about Teal’c,” he says. “You just need a day or two off.”

For a moment or two, the only sound is rain hitting glass. He waits for Sam to give him some sort of cue. “Can you come over?” she asks quietly. He puts the car in drive, pulls up a few feet and turns around.

When Daniel reaches Sam’s house, she lets him in but doesn’t say anything. He’s wanders around her living room looking at photos for almost five minutes before he breaks the silence. “Sam, what’s going on here?” Before she left the base, Sam had been on an adrenaline high. Now she’s coming down and he knows she’s beginning to feel the effects of two straight days of brain-bending physics. He’s seen her react to tense situations before, though, and there’s never been this underlying edge of despair.

Her back is turned to him, but her voice carries through the room. “One day, I won’t be able to save you,” she says. Daniel raises an eyebrow.

“Well, that’s maudlin. No one’s asking you to be my savior, Sam,” he says.

“Aren’t you?” she says. “You, and Jack, and Teal’c. That’s my part. You’re the scholar, Jack is the leader, Teal’c is the warrior, and I’m… I’m the one that bails us out when the science says we’re not going to make it.” Exhaustion is one thing; martyrdom is another, and it isn’t Sam’s style. Daniel can’t let this turn into a pity party. Especially not when she’s just pulled out another miracle.

“How heavy is that God complex you’re carrying around?” he says. He injects enough sarcasm that she turns to face him.

“You think this is ego,” she says. It's not a question. He expects to see anger, but what comes through in her eyes is a flash of hurt. He takes another tack.

“No. Rodney McKay is ego.” This earns him a small smile. “Sam, you can’t expect yourself to carry the world. No one can do this job alone.” He steps closer to her and pulls her into a hug. “We’re stronger together. Don’t isolate yourself.”

She fits into the frame of his shoulders and for a minute, he thinks she won’t hug him back. But finally, there are her arms, hesitant at first but soon wrapped around him.

He doesn't notice right away that she’s shaking.

He pulls back enough to cup her face in his hands. “Sam,” he says gently. Daniel knows Sam actively avoids times when she is shaky emotionally, and he recognizes this show of trust for what it is. That she hasn’t shown him this side of herself more often stings more than it should.

“I just… Teal’c almost didn’t come back,” she says. Her voice is low and throaty. “How could I live with that? What about when something does happen to one of you? One day, one of us will die. Just how do I face that? And what if it’s something I can prevent and don’t?”

Daniel has no simple answer for her. He knows she’s taking too much on herself, but he also knows she’s right – the shadow of that one eventual mistake someone will eventually make hangs over every mission.

He thinks about what his reaction would be if she were to die off-world. He pulls her a bit tighter to him and lets her work things out in silence.


***

Sam tries to keep her mind occupied, but not thinking about Daniel when he’s less than four feet away proves difficult. She dumps out the contents of her pack and takes stock: MREs, water, a notebook and a pencil. No help there. Daniel’s pack is nowhere to be seen. They have just the few MREs between them, she thinks, and she hopes they’re able to ration.

“What’s up there?” Daniel asks.

“Hm?” Sam looks up from the pack and sees Daniel pointing through the barrier. “Water,” she replies. “Lots of water. And once you get to the top of that, nothing for miles up.”

She ignores his point partially to see if she can provoke some kind of reaction from him. They quit speaking about anything substantial long ago, and he hasn’t touched her in months. She knows she’s still angry about the end of their relationship. And if he can be flip with their conversation down here, why can’t she?

“You know I meant the panel,” he says. There is a definite edge to his tone and she revels in her happy spite that she’s finally made him feel something.


***

Once she quits shaking, Daniel brushes a thumb across Sam’s cheek. “Better?” he says. She nods. He looks at the strong woman before him, smiles and gives her a moment to gather herself. She stands there for a moment before shaking her head.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t know where all of this is coming from.” She takes the smallest of steps backwards and he feels her arms loosen from their embrace. He feels her body start to tense and realizes he doesn’t want to let her rebuild any walls between them. He moves his hands down to hold her upper arms, preventing them from sliding completely out from around him.

“Sam, it’s all right,” he says. “I think we've known each other long enough for you not to be self-conscious about this.” Daniel reaches one hand and caresses her cheek with his fingertips and she exhales her tension. “If you need me, I’m here for you.” he says.

She smiles and he feels her limbs relax some. “Thank you, Daniel. Just... thanks.”

“Just don’t let McKay tinker with me if I get stuck in some weird gate limbo, okay?”

And then she laughs, and he feels the lead weight drop from his gut. Fortified, he reaches back down and pulls her into him again and they rock back and forth a little, feeding on each other’s warmth. He pulls back and their motion comes to a slow halt with their bodies close together, her arms on his chest.

They lock eyes as their bodies still. “You scared me,” he says. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move. A warm knot spreads from his stomach and up through his chest. He waits for the inevitable joke to break the tension, ready to step away and praying he doesn’t have to. She slides her hand slowly up to the back of his neck.

When she begins to tug his head towards her, it feels like the most natural movement in the world. And when he leans down to kiss her, she lets him.

He starts out exploring her lips but it isn't long before he pulls her closer to him and slips his tongue into her mouth. She shivers and opens her mouth, wrapping her arms behind him. He kisses her deeper and presses against her hip. They spend a few minutes like this, their tongues giving and taking and tasting. He wants more, he realizes. He needs more than this.

And just as quickly as it started, he pulls back and places his mouth at her ear. “Sam,” he says. “God, Sam.” He kisses the side of her neck and thinks he has to take a chance, has to see if this is something she needs as much as he does. “I want to do something for you,” he says. She takes a step back from him and holds his hands in hers. She’s flushed and beautiful and aroused, and he recognizes that she wants this as much as he does.

“Just this once, let go of saving anyone,” he says. When he leads her back to her bedroom, she follows.

****

“I don’t understand, Sam. You know what we have to do. And you also know that I can’t do it,” Daniel says. “You have the expertise here.”

They’ve spent three days in the chamber and they’re running low on food and water. She’s assessed the chamber at every angle, taking brief trips outside the barrier to make sure each outer edge has been examined for an activation switch. All that’s left is the post, and she has no idea what the panel may actually do.

“I know,” she finally says.

“Do you want to live or not?” he asks.

And there it is, really. Seeing no reason to wait further, Sam strips down her heavier clothing. She takes a couple of deep breaths and exhales, gasping to completely empty her lungs. She then breathes as deeply as she can, plunges upwards through the barrier and into the water and swims towards the silver panel.

***

They make love into the early morning before curling against each other and dozing off.

Sam wakes to a hand running through her hair and another tracing a lazy circle in the small of her back. She opens her eyes and sees full sunlight carrying past the curtains. She rolls closer to Daniel, gently stretching long-neglected muscles as she moves.

“Good morning,” he says.

She kisses his chest and mumbles good morning before rolling her head up to his shoulder and closing her eyes again.

“Hey,” he says.

“Mmph.” She tries to pull the sheet over her head, but Daniel tugs it back down.

“Sa-am,” he says. “We have to talk.”

“Don’t wanna,” she says. He pokes her arm.

“Ow.” She traces a finger around his nipple and feels him clench his stomach muscles.

“No fair distracting me,” he says. “I take it you’re feeling better this morning?”

“No need to sound so smug,” Sam says.

“Didn’t mean it like that,” he says. And she knows he doesn’t, but she feels too good to let him off the hook.

“How did you mean it? Like this?” She dips her head down to his nipple and takes it into her mouth. He groans and she sees his cock stir under the thin cotton sheet.

***

When Sam gets to the post, she looks for a way to pry the panel open. She examines the casing, but the latch mechanism looks solid. She feels underneath to see if there is a trigger. Ah, she thinks, as she snags the lever just on the bottom right. She is able to move the lever upwards in small increments, but her struggle makes her expel most of the breath she’s holding. She heads back for the room and passes through the barrier, gasping oxygen as she slides down the wall of the chamber.

“Any luck?” Daniel asks. She nods as she fills her lungs. She goes back three more times.

After her fourth trip, she rests for a moment, knowing her next trip will be the most dangerous one. She wants to rest before heading back out there – if she’s successful this time, she may only have a matter of seconds to get back to the chamber before it… does whatever it is that the panel might make the chamber do. She’s banking on it being an elevator button, but there’s a strong possibility that the panel is a self-destruct. She knows they have to take the risk.

“You know that this might not work the way we want,” she says. “There’s a possibility I could lose…” She can’t finish. She doesn’t want things with Daniel to end this way, stilted and rife with regret. The air on her wet skin is beginning to chill her now and she shivers just a little.

“Sam.” He moves closer to her until he’s just shy of touching her. He hasn’t made physical contact with her in a long time.

“Daniel, we don’t really have time for…” she starts.

He interrupts her. “I’m… we’re not lost that easily,” he says. “And besides, I’ve never expected you to be my savior,” he says.

The echo of their first night together is too much. “I have to go,” she says. She trains her breathing and plunges back into the water and upwards towards the post.

She notices her mistake once she’s there, but she knows that she can’t stop until she completes her task. Up, up, down, up, lower left, lower left, upper left, center right. She feels more than hears a soft *snick* as the panel lights.

Too bad she exhaled most of her breath as she grabbed the post to move into place. She already feels the sharp edges of her lungs punishing her for something that isn’t there. Her vision, already skewed by the faint light of the panel, starts to swim into blackness. She feels an irrational urge to laugh. She opens her mouth to do just that, but as she does, Daniel is suddenly there pressing his lips to hers.

He breathes into her. She clings to him, grasping his arms. He grabs her by the wrists, dragging her back to the chamber as it begins its ascent, pushing her through the barrier.

She waits for him to follow her in. He doesn’t. She lets go her laughter just before passing out completely.

***

An hour later, Sam hands Daniel a cup of coffee and takes a seat across from him at her kitchen table. She a bit ashamed of her meltdown from the night before, but she also knows that Daniel doesn’t think of her as weak.

“You know I love you, right?” He isn’t looking at her, and she sees he isn’t quite sure how she’ll respond.

“I know,” she says.

“I don’t expect… I mean… Well, hell.”

She nods, understanding his inability to verbalize things. She isn’t sure what to think or how this new side to their relationship will change things, and she knows in her gut that this is worth exploring any way they can. But she also knows that they can’t let themselves go entirely. Not right now, not with enemies to fight and worlds to save. They’re a little in love with each other, and for now, that has to be enough.


***

Sam wakes at the top of the chasm with Jonas, Teal’c and the colonel standing over her. As they fill her in on how she was captured and their plan for escape, Sam thinks there is something terrifically important she should remember. She sets her thoughts aside and grabs her P-90 a bit tighter, checking it again for ammunition before they head towards the gateroom.

Once they’re back on Earth, Jonas tells her, “You thought I was Dr. Jackson. When we woke you, I mean.”

“Did I?” she says. She expects the muted flash of grief and anger that a mention of Daniel brings about these days, but this time, it’s tempered with a flood of experiences – Daniel’s touch, his kiss, the few times they had together.

The memories fill the cracks and hollows inside her. She’s baptized inside, cleansed like a dry river bed filling with rain. She couldn’t save Daniel. She knows she’ll never let go of her grief completely, but she thinks maybe now she can start releasing some of her guilt.

And not without irony, she thinks maybe Daniel has saved her.
  • *sits here crying my eyes out*

    OMG that's beautiful
    sad and wonderful and just fucking brilliant!!!!!!!!!

    *is in awe*
  • Oh, what a fitting title for this fic. At first I was seeing foreshadowing of Meridian--I enjoyed their emotional connection in the flashbacks.

    And then the twist...with only half-remembered memories by Sam at the end. Well put together and what an emotion grabber! Aw, sniff.
  • Aw *cries* That hurt but was very beautiful. Thank you so much. This makes it very believable. The end really sells it.
    • Thank you. Glad you liked it. And trust me, it hurt as much to write it as it probably does to read. I will, however, write you another fic because I just *last night* realized that I included one of your "don't wants."

      Forgive me? ::: blinks sweetly ::: Will write fic for forgiveness here...
  • Oh. Oh, wow. That *is* brilliant!
  • Oh, that was so excellent, and I was very surprised by the ending. And the way their friendship moved into romance... and all of it was so... guh! And it all made sense at the end, it was so layered. And just... excellent!
    • Aw, thank you. I'm glad you... hey, wait. ::: checks list :::

      ::: taps keyboard impatiently :::

      (Seriously, thanks for the praise.)
  • Oh, angst! I had to go back and re-read all the "now" scenes once I'd gotten to the end, to see them in the larger context. You took essentially two scenes and showed an entire relationship's development and progression within them. Loved it!

    *cuddles sad geeks* *pushes sad geeks together so they can cuddle each other*
  • Wow, you completely sucked me in, right up until the end.

    I love the way you showed how their relationship came to be in flashbacks. It made me wonder what had happened between them. Yes, stuff happens to people and I could understand it happening.

    I was a bit confused when Daniel said he couldn't do it, but by then I was so sucked in I didn't tumble to it.

    Love, love this story!

    The physical intimacy was very nicely done. You have a nice delicate touch and it fit beautifully here and it felt very like *them*. There's a sweet yearning there that I really love to see.

    The end is a real punch to the gut, but it gives us a nice look at Daniel helping her out - Sam just didn't remember later. And he SAVED her! Yay!

    Very nicely done!
    • ::: blushes ::: Thanks. It took me forever to find a hook for the story. I knew I wanted there to be conflict between Sam and Daniel but couldn't exactly flesh out what I wanted it to be. Then I got to thinking about how angry Sam was with Jack and Teal'c about Daniel and how pissed she must really be with Daniel himself and it kind of grew from there.

      Anyway, glad you liked it. I'm not terrifically comfortable writing love scenes for any pairings but I have a feeling I'll get there eventually. Especially since I love reading hot smut (translate: your really cool fics).
  • Mmmm -- the interweaving, and the rain and water and drowning and breathing and flood and baptism (which all evoke tears, too), and the saving and salvation, tying '48 Hours' (and so w/ McKay, and so w/ McKay's hallucination of her when he was trapped underwater) in with 'Meridian' and 'Abyss' ... there's just so much here, and it's wonderful. Thank you.
    • Aw, thank you so very much. Half the interweaving is on purpose, and I think the other half just gets sucked out of my brain some way when I'm writing. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it.
  • I'm crying here.

    That was so sad. Poor Sam. Poor Sam. *weeps*

    I also really liked the fact that in canon we never saw Daniel come to help Sam. I like that this fic is him coming to help her the way he helped the others.

    Oh so good. Thank you
  • Hmm...brilliant!

    One question...

    In the *now* times is that ascended Daniel or did I just read it all wrong?

    love it!
    • Is it? Could be Sam's imagination.

      [The intent was that it is ascended Daniel.]

      Glad that you enjoyed it!
  • How the :bleep: did I miss this one?!?

    Very good; very, very good... Go Write More!!!
    • Tee hee! Thanks. I'm working on it. Trying to get my mindset in place for apocafic.

      Anyway, thanks for the praise.
  • So very good! I loved how that all tied into Daniel's question when he came back from ascension and everything! And how it fit with Sam by his side at the end before he did. All so very cohesive and complete! Wonderful fic!

    PS, here via stargateficrec / [Bad username: crazedturkey's rec]. I can't believe I missed this the first time around!
    • Thanks much! And no worries on missing it -- there was so much wonderful fic in this ficathon that I'll be reading for weeks. :)
      • I know! Me too! I loved the whole concept, and to have such a large turn out ... awesome! Hee! I think I'm only halfway through the list still.
  • How did I not manage to leave you slavish feedback the first time I read this?

    *whaps self*

    Loved it.

    Loved the interweaving timelines, and the references to McKay and Teal'c and the wonderful theme of water - it tied it all so beautifully together.

    Most of all I love that you sucked me right in, so that the last paragraph made me catch my breath.
    • Ha! FB slacker! (hehehe, just kidding. I somehow manage to do that myself a lot more often than my age should allow.)

      And thanks for the kind words -- I'm just still stunned people read my stuff and don't throw rotten eggs. :)
Powered by LiveJournal.com